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Friday, January 06, 2006

CES 2006 – In a Nutshell

<-- The view outside my hotel room.


No snow this time around, the weather is just right for waiting in long shuttle bus lines to be herded off to the big event. Bigger event I should say, spilling over to the Sands and everything in-between. The crowds seem to have swelled proportionately with this added floor space. Last year all you heard was, “convergence” every time you turned around. This time out, most every vender is pushing the idea of mobilizing your media – music, movies or photos (see robot below). Wireless is still a big idea, but more of a given and less dazzling than before. There was a nice 15” wireless LCD HDTV that wowed me until I saw the price of $1000 – just not worth it at this point. It will come down. But again, the main theme was taking your media anywhere you want.








Yes, that is a freakin' awesome 15 foot robot made of stereo equipment.




Sony’s Blu-Ray Disc format was heavily featured at Sony’s booth. There were large HDTVs with DVD running side by side with Blu-Ray playback. Now, I’m as excited as the next nerd about HD Disc playback, but honestly the difference was marginal at best. I couldn’t see any reason to spend $1000.00 on a Blu-Ray player and re-buy my movie catalog (mini-disc anyone?).


























On the other side of the media battlefield is Pioneers HD-DVD disc format, now formally endorsed by Microsoft. Much less hoopla it seemed for this. Again, side by side comparisons with regular DVD playback – still no Earth-shattering “I’ve gotta have this” reactions here. Both Blu-Ray and HD-DVD blank disks are going to be ridiculously expensive. DVD9 disks just recently dropped below 8.00 and I still don’t think they are worth it. Every home has a DVD player now – with a boatload of movies. Many of which were repeat purchases from the VHS days. No one is in a big rush to re-buy their entire video library. 30GB or 15GB of blank space has some interesting applications – none that appeal to the average consumer. DVD9 would suffice for now. This battle will be very interesting.
















Then there was the Redlaser or Forward Versatile disc back in a corner where I took a wrong turn looking for the bathroom.
















On the games front, Sony’s booth focused heavily on the PSP. There were these dorky plastic spheres hanging from chains that you had to sit in to play PSPs. They also had a kiosk featuring the PSP web browser and demos of some up and coming games like Syphon Filter.











There was a large LCD playing a Blu-Ray movie on what was advertised as a PS3. I asked the Sony hack standing there if the movie was playing on a PS3. He said it was a simulation of what the PS3 will do. I asked if they had a working PS3 to show. He said no, but that the movie was playing off a dev kit. I look this hack in the eye and say, “you mean there is a Blu-Ray player behind the curtain, right?” and he ACKNOWLEDGES that there is NO PS3 playing the video. Sony – you suck ass! Meanwhile there are all these people watching a movie beneath a big sign that says “PS3 Blu-Ray Playback”. So lame. You could experience the same thing several other Blu-Ray player kiosks just around the corner. I asked the hack when we could see an actual PS3 in action, he said maybe by E3. Meanwhile there was a large LCD playing the Snake video from a few months back – drawing a good crowd.













Microsoft spent a large chunk of their real estate on Windows Vista, their forthcoming operating system. Like everything else at the show, it was all about how easy you could find music and photos and tv shows. I asked one of the demo guys if these new features effectively kill off the “Media Center Edition” as Vista is pretty much the same thing. He told me that there would be no further MCEs released. Its all about the Media Extender now. I’m looking around at all these Windows PCs playing music and checking out photos and wondering why the hell would any company invest in upgrades – how is this going to help business? All I see is Windows Plus! on steroids emerging from puberty. So I ask the guy just that. He drops his super nice demo guy act long enough to tell me that there are a number of architectural and security-centric overhauls that have been done but it is not easy to market those things to consumers so they push the media part. To his credit, he sends me over to another MS station a bit down a ways where I get the scoop on some nice enhancements in the OS as well as a look at the new Office suite. I was feeling better about the whole Vista thing already. Sure, it may be 35% service pack, but that is the price you pay for stability and security. Many of you will disagree with me on that point, but stop and think about what it must cost to maintain and secure the biggest target of hackers – the Windows OS. Technology aint free brother. Sure, there is Linux, Open Office and FireFox that are free. Now imagine that they all got super popular – not just nerd popular, but widely adopted. Now imagine a brutal Slovakian worm virus targeted at all three. Would you put your company’s “WORK” (network, documents, etc.) in the hands of those guys or Microsoft to handle the situation? Who has the resources, money and experience? It’s a bitter pill, I know.



Tucked away in the corner of the Microsoft Island was the Xbox 360 zone. There were several presentations with cube-shaped bean-bag chairs. Watching the visitors to Xbox land, the biggest buzz by far was the newly released demo of Fight Night Round 3. There were people on their cell phones telling others about how they had to come down and see it. The demo made Dead Rising playing on the kiosk nearby look very bad. Larry “Major Nelson” Hyrb gave a brief overview of the 360 to a small group of about 12 of us. Even though I already know about all of the features he covered, it was still pretty impressive seeing is all lined up like that. The new dash is really phenomenal. Paired with games that really show the systems power like Fight Night, we should see the 360 really blossom over the next year.


















VR Glasses are far from dead.
















Toshiba thought it would score them some points to had a dude dressed in a cheap nerd costume. This was embarassing to watch.













For the serious Splinter Cell fan...















Some interesting alternate gaming input devices.














... no idea whatsoever, but the mech-hands are cool. There was an Adult Expo somewhere in Vegas - maybe this got shipped to the wrong exhibit hall?


















This was kind of cool. You plug a card fitted with an SD memchip in your GBA and it plays Mpeg4 flawlessly.














Some interesting games...























New kick-ass Dell Media Center PC



















Mario, looking very shiny.



















This is a shot of just a very small fraction of the mess of empty shipping pallets out back.













Nintendo bootlegs sold right in my hotel lobby!














And of course it wouldn't be a trade show unless there were a few babes. I have no idea what the Hawaiian girls were selling but there was a steady stream of nerds waiting for pix. I asked the orange girl if she was wearing pant-extensions. She corrected me and told me they were leather leg warmers. So awesome!















That's it for this years CES!















The Road to CES 2006

Well I’ve finally arrived at CES – later than most but I’ve got a real job back home that doesn’t allow me to skip town so easily. The road to CES is an interesting one. One paved with miles and miles of nerds. If you ever make it out to a CES… or a Star Trek convention it is important to know your nerd. I’ve taken the time to break it down for those of you still in denial (you are reading this blog aren’t you?). Although there are many classifications of nerd, I’d like to discss some of the more prevalent ones here at CES.

The nerd lineage can be confusing to the layman whose only education in the field comes from USA Network Revenge of the Nerds marathons. Taped spectacles and pocket protectors are so… last equinox!

The Lord looked down from the Heavens wearing his Roy Orbison blue blocker sunglasses and chuckled to himself. No, he would not squint this day from the reflective sheen of male pattern baldness! It was cruel yet amusing, quite possibly his greatest creation ever – the receding hairline. And hence, this forced humility was the catalyst of what would become the frizzle nerd. Most people assume 3 is the holiest number, but actually 25 is much more sacred. You see, at age 25 you should stop, look in the mirror and say, “Man, I’m not so hip anymore. These leather pants need to be retired. Where are all these taxes being taken from my paycheck going again? Is my hair receding?” This is where the frizzle nerd mutation occurs. In response to the Lord’s cruel trick, the frizzle nerd whips out his big Styrofoam middle finger and says, “Oh yeah sucka, I don’t think the back is receding.” As the forehead grows, the rear-hair (not ass hair, although I guess it is possible) grows equally. This rare commodity of rear-hair cannot be jeopardized by regular grooming or shears. Oh no, it simply is harvested in a rubber-band and left to hang in its natural frizzy glory. As many mysteries of the Lord would have it, no one knows exactly why, but the frizzle nerd tends to be 7 – 8 feet tall, wear black jeans, leather jacket, worker boots, carries around graph paper, 26 sided dice, that evaporating hand cleaner crap and has an endless supply of 70’s rock jerseys. I didn’t mention the glasses because there is really no mystery there – were taking nerds.

…and on the 8th day of continuous Mountain Dew imbibing and Risk strategizing, the Lord cometh up to the mountain and declared that there would be a new race of super nerds! Oh frizzles beware for the Lord unleasheth onto modern society the eternal 12 year-old! This marvel of biology is the fountain of youth personified! Sure you can put them in a coat and tie, but that won’t be enough to drown out the chorus of women crying out, “Oh how cute, a little man!”. That pasty complexion, those freckles, the complete lack of upper body strength are sure-fire indicators that you have encountered the eternal 12 year-old nerd. Hold your tongue, don’t laugh – this nerd could very well own the company employing you!

And so it was, Al Gore invented the Internet and the Lord came down and said, “Bullshit dude!” But it was too late; the 2nd gold rush was already underway. Stage 1 and 2 nerds were perversely diluted with obscene monetary compensation for ideas that were barely ideas. The dot-com boom, otherwise know as Project Rich Nerd Poor Nerd separated random nerds from the lucky nerds. Some social experiments cannot be performed in space with Russian monkeys – this is one of them. Who could have imagined such bizarre side-effects of giving stage 1 and 2 nerds unlimited financial squander then zapping it away? Although the experiment was short lived (give who Flooze?), we still see its effect today. Rich nerd/Poor nerd types can be identified by their need to be seen working. You know how just as your plane touches down there is always that dick on his cell phone practically yelling, “Dude, I literally just landed – we’ll go over those prospects later.” Chances are that supa-genius used to run a dot-com for some unnecessary service. Telltale signs that you have encountered a Rich nerd/Poor nerd: They are wearing rectangular rimmed prescription glasses, they drive (possibly stand on) an “alternative” vehicle, they don’t own a tie – they just wear turtlenecks with ridiculous patterned jackets. But the most obvious sign that you’ve encountered this breed of nerd is that no matter how advanced you think your cell phone is, this nerd will have a better one - and it’ll be crawling up the side of his fucking head like some kind of Star Trek communicator on acid, poking around in his ear while simultaneously injecting an Airborne/EmergenC solution into his nerdy veins.

The Lord sat and pondered, how could he harness more nerd power? Then it came to him, like an autistic savant playing the national anthem on the wet rims of wine glasses – he’d take away their ability to use a mirror! The Lord redirected the energy spent on this meaningless self-evaluation to a higher purpose and hence the Lord created the Oblivious to the Physical Self nerd. This nerd can discuss with you every nuance of his WOW character while sipping down a full liter of Dr. Pepper at 7am. Shopping is a nuisance to this nerd and is only performed by his relatives in Kentucky who ship him garments like shirts with rooster scenes on them and green jeans. A nasty side effect to this nerd mutation is the allergic reaction they experience to pants that brush against the back of their Velcro jogging shoes, hence the need for a 4 inch hem. Bathing and brushing of the hair are weekly distractions indicated by the quaint digital chirping alarm of a calculator wristwatch. Quite possibly the friendliest of all nerds you’ll encounter. Guaranteed party animal online.

Those are just a few of the many different kinds of nerds out and about at CES 2006. Oh, and if you are wondering about my nerd status, well I fall into the over-crowded Chubby Nerd category. And I’m damn proud sucka!

More CES 2006 coverage to come…

Wednesday, January 04, 2006

Suggested Games for Developers in 2006:


Just doing our part to keep up the quality of games...

Chuckie and the Chocolate Factory: The demon doll Chucky from Child's Play goes on a murderous rampage - sealing the fate of his victims in dark and milk chocolate. Chucky places special tickets in packages of his chocolate coins laced with arsenic. You have to collect up all the gold chocolate coins before Chucky claims another victim. Vast nextgen environments filled with incredibly detailed chocolate instruments of torture and terror! You have to act quickly before anyone eats the evidence!

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We F!&%ing Hate Katamari!: Merging the graphical prowess of the Atari 7800 and a thrift-shop copy of Trini Lopez' Greatest Hits, this title seeks to induce an artificial sensation of having fun when you are actually only playing a sub-par repetitive pile of crap that all your friends keep saying is so f*%!ing cool. Roll stadiums full of GamePro subscribers into a giant ball of crap - then do it again - and again - and -again.

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TEMPEST 360: Tempest 2000 on weed mixed with the 360 visualizer tripping in the background with Xbox live support for up to 8 players, go on Jeff you know you wanna!

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Boy meets Blob again: Crazy antics as you and the blob navigate crazy 3D worlds in a whole new adventure of a blob-tastic fun, get your jellybeans out for the lads, you won’t believe your PSP could create such real NES looking graphics.

2005 - The Year In Review

Like everyone else, we are taking a look back at the gaming year that was 2005. Fairly exciting year overall – minus the Gizmondo :) Here is the wrap-up:

Games we suspected would suck but were actually pretty good.
· Hulk Ultimate Destruction
· Gun
· Kameo
· Nintendogs
· Perfect dark Zero
· Mario Strikers
· Oddworld Strangers Wrath
· Conflict Global Storm
· Spartan : Total Warrior

Games we hoped would be good but kind of sucked
· Matrix: Path of Neo
· Matrix: Online
· Coded Arms
· Lunar DS
· I Heart Katamari
· Shadow the Hedgehog
· Rainbow Six 3 - Lockdown
· Metal Gear Solid 3
Games we'd like to see sequels to in 2006
· Chronicles of Riddick
· Project Snowblind
· Star Wars: Republic Commando
· Skies of Arcadia
· God of War
· Zelda Fours Swords
· Wario Ware Twisted


Have you ever just sat back after playing a game and marveled at how you will NEVER get back that wasted time? These games are in a class by themselves. They don’t just merely suck – they suck ASS!
· Ping Pals
· Crime Life: Gang Wars
· Charlie and the Chocolate Factory
· Rengoku: The Tower of Purgatory
· Chicago Enforcer


Best games of 2005 – few surprises here:
· Burnout Legends
· Burnout Revenge
· Advance Wars DS
· Resident Evil 4
· F.E.A.R.
· God of War
· Half Life 2
· Call of Duty 2
· Psychonauts


Highlights from 2005
· Nintendo DS Launch
· Sony PSP Launch
· Xbox 360 Launch
· Xbox Live Arcade & Marketplace


Low Points of 2005
· Sony PSP Games and Pricing
· Hot Coffee Controversy
· EA NFL monopoly
· Xbox 360 shortages and technical problems
· Zelda Twilight Princess delay